First of all, I forgot today was Wednesday.  Why on earth would I forget something like that?  If it is Wednesday, that is one less day until the weekend!  One less day before the weekend!

Jason and I have been to and home again from St. Louis.  It was an awesome time.  I love that city and I think its beautiful.  I would definitely go back sometime, however, I feel like there are other places we should definitely hit up and check out.  Since we are kind of doing the baseball tour, I almost feel like we should try (assuming we can make this work this time around, knock on wood, whatever) to do a road trip and hit up several places at once!  I would love to be able to do a week or a week and a half long swing and see four games at different places or something.  Not sure if we could make it work or not, but it might be something to look into...  Maybe both New York stadiums, Boston, and ...  what else is that way?  The Phillies maybe?

There are tons of pictures, but the two people that read this both have access to my facebook, so look there.  :)

We definitely had a few days of too much alcohol, which, you'll have that on vacation, and one of them even resulted in a pretty big blowout of a fight.  I wish that hadn't happened.  I hate fighting with him so much.  However, I was admittedly wasted, and I did get to say a few things that I maybe should have said to him in the past about things that bother me and stuff.  I don't know.  The only thing about it was that I apologized first thing in the morning, and I wish that he had too.  It certainly would have made me feel a little better about the whole thing.  I don't know.  Sometimes I don't even think that he thinks he is in the wrong about anything.  He did "correct" one thing that he said the night before, which might be the closest thing to an apology that I am going to get from him.  I asked him if he meant it when he said he wouldn't care if I went around and blew anyone I wanted.  Naturally, that just made me cry harder at the time.  The next night when we were out to dinner, he said that was not the case and if I did, of course he would be very upset.

We still are not a "couple".  I am not sure how to think about that or understand that at this point.  When I (through tears and anger during our fight) accused him of not loving me, he said "now that is not the case."  And he called me his significant other on Sunday when we were leaving to go to the baseball game.  Not exactly completely the same thing as "girlfriend", but I will take it.

So yeah, that's about it...

So I am trying to remain relatively calm about everything in my life right now.  I am tired (more mentally than physically), but I am trying to maintain a positive attitude about things, because otherwise I will probably just be miserable, confused, panicked...  all of those things that happen to me immediately if I even start to get down about something. 

So yesterday I worked out with a trainer.  There is something extremely destressing for me about that, versus working out alone.  I like to have that extra motivation behind me, as well as the opportunity to learn new things that I haven't done before, or use equipment that I haven't used.  For instance, yesterday I was introduced to those kettlebell things.  Holy smokes.  I was using the 15 lb one, and a lot of it is momentum and very quick movements.  My heart rate was WAY up, probably higher than spinning even.  I also did squats for about a half hour.  I know that seems kind of weird, but doing squats was how I managed to get free training anyway.  I saw the training manager watching me when I was doing them, and I figured if I did a set with poor form, he would call me out on it.  So I did one incorrectly, and I was right!  He called me out and offered me a session.  So I have to listen to him try and sell me a package, but that's fine.

If he can make a training package work into my budget, I am all about it.  I LOVED it when I was doing it before.  And this guy is former military, so as long as I can work out with him (and not some other lame-ass trainer), I am interested.  He said to me yesterday if the only thing that was stopping me was my finances, then we could work with that.  I have my fingers crossed!

So tonight I will DEFINITELY not be doing legs or shoulders.  I am sore in those places, big time.  I want to run tonight for sure, but I am not sure on lifting as I have lifted every day this week.  It is chest/triceps day if I do.  That's my favorite.

I had a meeting this afternoon with our HR guy.  We were discussing the team move (since my team is breaking up) and how we were going to handle some of the issues with me and my health that we had a good handle on in my current team set up.  So now I will not be working with any of the people that I was before that were aware of the situation, and so I need to figure out who will be good on the new team since someone is doing my reviews there. 

Wow.  Things are so...  I am not sure what they are right now.  Its Sunday morning and I am sitting on the couch after an amazing day yesterday.  I will be headed to the gym shortly. 

I know things haven't always been good.  I know I have had my moments of "crazy" recently.  I have had a few times of being a bad friend even.  The way I have been feeling (sick, panicked, etc) has caused some major friction in my life.  I wasn't able to party with my friends during the run of the show (because I felt like crap a lot, and did not necessarily think that going out and drinking was a good idea).  I have been slowly slowly been feeling a little bit better all the time.  I think without rehearsals I have been getting more sleep which certainly doesn't hurt.  And I have time to go to the gym in the evening so I can get to bed at 11 or so and then sleep in a little instead of getting up at 5:15 to get to the gym.

So...  I few like we are in a new place now.  We, as in me and Jason.  Its been two months (knock on wood!) now, which is like on a roll for us.  I am very pleased with things. 

It is my birthday tomorrow.  26.  I can no longer say that I am in my early 20s.  That is a very weird feeling.  To be "old".  And a lot of times I have felt like that, old, I mean.

So Jason and I were together all day yesterday.  On Friday night, after...  you know...  I went out to my car to get my medication.  When I came back inside (I had J's keys so I could get back in the house) I couldn't get in the front door.  I was banging on the door, and trying to turn the doorknob, and just could not get in.  Apparently Jason had fallen asleep.  Eventually he heard me banging on the door and came to try and help me get in.  He could not get it open either, and he wound up taking the doorknob out so I could get in.

He gave me a lot of crap about breaking the door and teased me relentlessly until we both fell asleep.

The next day we woke up and Jason turned the US Open on immediately.  It was pretty much going to be a golf day, I could tell from the start.  We had a brief conversation about what we needed to do that day.  There were a few errands on the list, starting with me buying a new doorknob since I broke the door.  I decided to run home and shower and pick up the doorknob before heading back to Jason's.  The hole in the door (from taking the doorknob off) was covered with electrical tape so no one could come in or see in when we were sleeping.

When I came back with the doorknob, Jason installed it and then it was back to golf.  It was going to be on all day, and so Jason was watching and on and off cleaning.  I helped with what he would let me help with (but he doesn't like to depend on me to do the cleaning), so there wasn't a whole lot he would let me do.  I put away some clean laundry, but that was about it.  After that, it was my job to let him know when Tiger Woods was on TV so he could come in the room and watch.

At around three we left to do our errands.  The first stop was Walmart.  I can't really remember why Jason wanted to go there, but whatever.  Then we hit Barnes and Noble because MCP (one of the theater groups that I have worked with a lot) was having a fundraiser there (they had these coupons, and so if you bought a book, a portion of the sale went to MCP, even if  you bought a coffee or something.  So Jason and I each got a book to take on vacation (and read in the sunshine - my favorite place to read!)  and were able to help them in the process.  I also renewed my B&N membership and added Jason to it so he can use it as well.  (As far as I am concerned, this is FAR different than sharing a phone plan or getting a joint credit card - things that we have talked about relating to other people and agreeing that those are the kind of thing that you have to be engaged to do.)

After that, we headed next door to Old Navy.  Jason has been on a golf shirt run right now, because he has been playing a lot and stuff.  And Old Navy is definitely a good place to get those for not that expensive.  So two golf shirts, and we were on our way to best buy.  Jason needed to get a new laptop.  He didn't need much, but his was not working anymore and he couldn't stand it.  So we got a lap top.  Then he needed other computer things, so we went to a geek-store, MicroCenter.  He got the things that he needed there, and we decided that we were going to have dinner at our regular place (well, the regular place when we aren't going to BW-3.) BJs Brewhouse.  We have been there 3 times, including the one night thing back in March, where we got together for that one magic night and then he told me (after seeing the b*tch) that he just wanted to be friends.

Before we went to dinner, we stopped at a golf store because Jason has wanted some new clubs.  He swung one a few times and then off to dinner.  After dinner, it was to the other end of town.  The other golf store, so he could see if they had that same club he was swinging but with a different...  something.  He did find it, and everyone was happy.

Now if that isn't a step in the right direction, I don't know what is!